Calgary Sun’s Ian Robinson was right when he said that right-wing women rocked, and then hilariously demonstrated that by exemplifying how they’re all career women, hitting the gym regularly, keeping their shoe collections sexy, maintaining hairless legs like responsible chicks should and running for public offices with grit and passion. It’s so true! Just ask my left-wing mom, who died choking on a soy burger while doing anything but running for MLA.
I only wish he had to time to get to those right-wing men: Those guys rock, too.
They’re hard working. They make sure that school science classes make facts optional. Demand that when a women conceives her rapist’s baby (and she, like, so deserved it, bro!) she doesn’t get a second chance at reclaiming her womb.
And those lefty gays? Better start preparing your divorce papers, boys. When right-wing guy is done lobbying his MP, those marriages aren’t just getting annulled, they’re getting super-annulled.
When he wants to relax, he doesn’t grab a doobie like some kufi-wearing dope. Right-wing guy is smoking a cigarette, ensuring that a corporation has equal opportunity to profit off the deaths of millions.
And in his off time, he’s checking his son’s drawers for a joint so he has a reason to beat the crap out of him. “Spare that rod, spoil the child!” — just Mr. Right Wing said himself.
Left-wing guy, that fruit is probably riding his bike to the local alternative video store to hoard every Jim Jarmusch “film” he can. Right-wing guy is across the street, at Blockbuster, renting Steven Seagal’s Cockpuncher!
And right-wing guy totally racks up tons of late fees ’cause he don’t answer to nobody.
Left-wing guy reads the fancy pants Globe and Mail, right-wing guy reads everything else. (And by read, I mean he flips to the editorial section, looks for his name, jumps to the Sunshine Girl page: “OK, not my daughter — all is fine, now objectify the brains out of her!”)
I friggin’ love these guys — so much virility.
While stupid lefty guy is getting anonymous you-know-whats at the local “bath house” and driving his turtle-looking electric car (which still needs some sort of energy-draining fuel, right?) home to his listless “common law” wife — at home, where she’s been all day, just listening to Sarah McLachlan on her “portable” mp3 “player” — the totally awesome right-wing guy is at the gun show looking for a new “Gretchen” to protect his promise-ring-wearing right-wing daughter, who, by the way, is statistically more likely to have anal intercourse, be a pregnant teenager or contract STDs.
Stereotypes rule!
Tags: calgary sun, edmonton sun, ian robinson, right-wing women rock
