This darn hip-hop company called PPF House promises dope music and — okay, so they deliver on it. But how can they be a “House” if they’re a company? Hmm??? Isn’t that misleading? They could be a firm, an organization, a board, an agency, a posse — but they can’t be a house. That’s silly. That’s like me saying my hat is a shed, or my hands are bread. You can’t eat ‘em — so they’re obviously not bread. Just like you can’t live in a record company. I’ve heard of a woman living in a shoe, but this takes the cake.

Liars! War criminals!

Anyway. Check the new and free single, “Applause,” from two of this company’s finest rappers: LEO37 + Sunclef.

Download "Applause" for free

Just a quick note about the scamming fake job agency, Elite Star Marketing — who target people who are looking for new, better jobs (everyone) and try to solicit their account information through credit checks — they have changed their names to “Impact Media Drive.” Stupidly they forgot to change the browser header title on their website (once you get past the first page, that is).

Here is the letter I got from them with the subject “Omar CREATIVE WRITERS.” (Hmmm, they must do their research! Or just send out their research-bots.)

Note: the letter I was sent was pull of spaces in between every other letter (eg: “Thank yo u f o r your interest in the po si t io n at our firm”) presumably to avoid Google checks. But in order to help both my Googling brethren who have the time to remove the spaces and those who don’t, I’m posting the letter twice.

Thank yo u f o r your interest in the po si t io n at our firm. A li t t le more information about us: As a re c en t ly founded and ra p id ly growing ma rk e ti ng fi r m, we ho pe to fo s te r a f u n y et efficient environment fo r ou r new e m pl oy ee s. U nl ik e other co m pa ni es, we be l ie v e an e as y g o in g and f r i e n dl y at m os ph e r e is facilitative to qu al it y and actually i n cr ea s e s pr o du ct i vi ty. To be co ns i d er e d, candidates must p os se s s s tr on g co m mu n i c a t io n/interpersonal sk il ls, th e ab i l it y t o interact wi t h p eo p le at al l l e ve ls of th e f ir m, an d excellent organizational s ki l ls. Candidates must be self st a rt er s and b e ab le to un d e rt a ke r e sp o n s i b i l i ti e s w it h l i m it e d supervision. T h e y must also be a b l e to multi-task, an d have a w or k in g knowledge o f M S Of fi ce. Familiarity w i th ot he r ty pe s of software is a p l u s. O ur po l ic y is to gr o w and maintain a l on g l as ti n g and m u t ua ll y be ne f ic i al business re l at io ns h i p w i th ou r e mp lo y e es. In keeping with that standard, our firm offers a comprehensive benefits pa c ka ge th a t i s se c on d to no n e. In addition, we pa y our employees higher th an any co m pe t i to r i n this i n du st r y. Compensation wi l l be fu r th e r d is c us se d during the i n te rv ie w  p ro c es s, af t e r r ev i ew in g ca n d i da te ap pl ic at io n s.  Please take a few mo m e nt s t o fi l l out ou r online a p p l i ca ti o n b y cl ic k i ng on th e ‘apply’ l i n k be lo w. APPLY HERE. H R Staffing

* * *

Thank you for your interest in the position at our firm. A little more information about us: As a recently founded and rapidly growing marketing firm, we hope to foster a fun yet efficient environment for our new employees. Unlike other companies, we believe an easy going and friendly atmosphere is facilitative to quality and actually increases productivity. To be considered, candidates must possess strong communication/interpersonal skills, the ability to interact with people at all levels of the firm, and excellent organizational skills. Candidates must be self starters and be able to undertake responsibilities with limited supervision. They must also be able to multi-task, and have a working knowledge o f MS Office. Familiarity with other types of software is a plus. Our policy is to grow and maintain a long lasting and mutually beneficial business relationship with our employees. In keeping with that standard, our firm offers a comprehensive benefits package that is second to none. In addition, we pay our employees higher than any competitor in this industry. Compensation will be further discussed during the interview  process, after reviewing candidate applications.  Please take a few moments to fill out our online application by clicking on the ‘apply’ link be low. APPLY HERE. HR Staffing

Calgary Sun’s Ian Robinson was right when he said that right-wing women rocked, and then hilariously demonstrated that by exemplifying how they’re all career women, hitting the gym regularly, keeping their shoe collections sexy, maintaining hairless legs like responsible chicks should and running for public offices with grit and passion. It’s so true! Just ask my left-wing mom, who died choking on a soy burger while doing anything but running for MLA.

I only wish he had to time to get to those right-wing men: Those guys rock, too.

They’re hard working. They make sure that school science classes make facts optional. Demand that when a women conceives her rapist’s baby (and she, like, so deserved it, bro!) she doesn’t get a second chance at reclaiming her womb.

And those lefty gays? Better start preparing your divorce papers, boys. When right-wing guy is done lobbying his MP, those marriages aren’t just getting annulled, they’re getting super-annulled.

When he wants to relax, he doesn’t grab a doobie like some kufi-wearing dope. Right-wing guy is smoking a cigarette, ensuring that a corporation has equal opportunity to profit off the deaths of millions.

And in his off time, he’s checking his son’s drawers for a joint so he has a reason to beat the crap out of him. “Spare that rod, spoil the child!” — just Mr. Right Wing said himself.

Left-wing guy, that fruit is probably riding his bike to the local alternative video store to hoard every Jim Jarmusch “film” he can. Right-wing guy is across the street, at Blockbuster, renting Steven Seagal’s Cockpuncher!

And right-wing guy totally racks up tons of late fees ’cause he don’t answer to nobody.

Left-wing guy reads the fancy pants Globe and Mail, right-wing guy reads everything else. (And by read, I mean he flips to the editorial section, looks for his name, jumps to the Sunshine Girl page: “OK, not my daughter — all is fine, now objectify the brains out of her!”)

I friggin’ love these guys — so much virility.

While stupid lefty guy is getting anonymous you-know-whats at the local “bath house” and driving his turtle-looking electric car (which still needs some sort of energy-draining fuel, right?) home to his listless “common law” wife — at home, where she’s been all day, just listening to Sarah McLachlan on her “portable” mp3 “player” — the totally awesome right-wing guy is at the gun show looking for a new “Gretchen” to protect his promise-ring-wearing right-wing daughter, who, by the way, is statistically more likely to have anal intercourse, be a pregnant teenager or contract STDs.

Stereotypes rule!

Check out the Q&A I did with the Bassheadz. Their CD release party is this Friday at Eddie Shorts (107 Ave & 124 St, Edmonton).

listen to AOK & TEDDY PANACHE “Black Jujube” from the upcoming AOK album. produced by joshua david.

Make sure you tune in to Skeptically Speaking, 6 pm (MST) on 88.5 FM in Edmonton. I will be speaking about bringing skepticism into the mainstream, and a host of other topics with Greg “no bin” Laden. Also, I’ll be performing live a new song from my upcoming album, called “Still Stupid.”

You know how sometimes I forget that I rap and then every once in a while I have a reawakening, followed by a renaissance of rapping? I think that’s coming over me again.

I am writing lots of new raps, gathering beats and awaiting the funds to get back in the lab. I hope to have a new album out next summer. No title. No theme. But unless I get dumped and fired tomorrow, it will be a lot more lighthearted — because life is good.

That said, I did spill $10 of mixed nuts all over my dirty kitchen floor. It was like a war zone. (Wait, is a war zone one of those trivial obstacles you hop right over? No? Sorry. It was nothing like a war zone.)

SHOWS

• October 30 – Eddie Shorts in Edmonton (10713 124 St). Night of the Living Bassheadz release party. Bassheadz are releasing their new album, Audio Revolver, and it’s f’ing hype. I’m on a song with them and Hotep, “Modern Day Slave,” so I will be performing that song with them, but not doing a set. Come for a good costume party with prizes. I will be the rapper looking most like Super Mario.
• November 7 – Likwid Lounge in Edmonton (10081 Jasper Ave). AOK, The Joe, Zebra Circle and Brother Voodoo. Very diverse set and crowd.
• December 12 November 18 - Widewater Alberta. Opening up for Swollen Members. See Facebook.

Also, did you see my interview in UGSmag.com? Read the most hated on Q&A yet. And remember: Never criticize rap! Rappers with RAP shirts will rap angry responses.

I also found myself in a radio documentary by Ira Lee, titled The Global Revolution of Canadian Hip Hop Culture and Music.

And on a non-rap topic, I was interviewed on the much-heard CJSR call-in science show, Skeptically Speaking to talk about my new article in Avenue magazine, Ghost Busters, in which I debunk the legend of the ghost at Fort Edmonton Park’s Firkins Home.

And here’s a picture of my new house, which has consumed the last month of my life:

This is Saturday’s misinformed letter of the day published by the National Post:

Gaddafi’s prescient words

Thursday’s speech by Muammar Gaddafito the UN was a farce that made a mockery of the institution. But before dismissing him as a fool, it’s important to remember his remarks from 1979, when he presciently said that Islam will take over Europe “within 50 years … without firing a single shot.”

That takeover would be facilitated by four factors: lax European immigration rules, low Christian birth rates, high Muslim birth rates and Europe’s policy of one vote per person in elections. […]

Here is my letter to the editor:

An invigorating letter of the day it was Saturday in the Post when Richard Hoffman of Toronto wrote of a grim prediction by Muammar Gaddafi thirty years ago that “within 50 years … without firing a single shot” Europe will be a Muslim continent. It raised some exciting questions about the future fabric of the oldest Western cultures in the world.

Unfortunately, that quote — the entire basis for the letter — was either severely misinformed or Mr. Hoffman chose to perform cosmetic surgery on the actual quote (cited as early as 2003, but definitely not 1979).

The correct quote, as found in this video (tinyurl.com/ya7war9) and this article the Daily Mail (tinyurl.com/ybdkyku), is: “There are signs that Allah will grant Islam victory in Europe – without swords, without guns, without conquests. The 50 million Muslims of Europe will turn it into a Muslim continent within a few decades.”

The closest citation to Hoffman’s quote I could find was, disgracefully, from a forum on White Nationalist site, Stormfront.org (tinyurl.com/yar4769).

As you see, the message is the same, but the facts aren’t. As well, the potential source for Mr. Hoffman’s information is one known for incited racism, which then loads his opinion with the same incendiary prejudice.

When the facts are not in line with reality, the quality and integrity of Hoffman’s opinion (and the publication that chose to run it uncorrected) are dubious. Please ensure that the quotes and facts printed in future editions of the Post are more carefully scrutinized.

Join your favorite local rappers in a battle of epic proportions, as they go head to head in a 5 on 5 game of full court charity basketball. We still need djs and volunteers. Email bball@hiphopinthepark.ca to sign up. All proceeds go towards the Hip Hop in the Park Foundation.

The Roster:

Kaz “Make It Rain” Mega
Dirt “Gravy Train” Grittie
Jon “Dunk On Ya Momma” Dubs
Arlo “No Shorts” Maverick
J “Shake You Out Your In-Soles” Soul
Shaw “Shoot Your Lights (and Cable) Out” Langley
DJ Sonny “Grime Time” Grimezz
Sly “Ivory Slam” Slivers
Orville “Stop’N’Pop” Redenbacher
Mitchmatic “The Summer Sultan”
Redef aka “Low Post Leroy”
Elle Dirty D-Fence
T “Run ‘N’ Gun” Rhyme
“Raise The Roof” Raydarr
Dre Day
Solidario aka “The G.O.A.Tee”
iDribble aka “SkyD”
Khiry “Tuff as Tosh” Tafari aka Con-Verse the All-Star
“All Moola” Muta
Screwface Killa aka “Judge Dreadz”
Mike “Smitty” aka The Smit Peddler
Sharp One “The 1Man Weave”
A-Manual aka “Spin-Sykel”
“Drop Step” Hotep
Benny “The Jet” Jackson
AC the “8-footer” Ace
3 in the Keon
Jae “Uh-Mayes-Em”
Juice aka “Playerade”
Jake “Jump Ova Ya” Nova

Host: AOK
Play by Play Commentator: Rakesh

Tickets are now for sale at the following locations:

*MEdeity Multimedia – 10905 106 Ave

*Haven – 10528 108 street. http://www.havenshop.ca/

*Wild Style Wednesdays – 10030 – 102 St. Every Wednesday, doors @ 9pm.

**********$10 reg./$5 under 15*********

I originally wrote Q Without U in my first (and only) year of writing at Grant MacEwan college. I cherished it and always wanted to improve and expand it. Luckily years later I would meet two very deft and creative illustrators, Josh Holinaty and Genevieve Simms, who also publish IBS (International Beauty Saloon, sometimes Sallon) quarterly. In the last issue, #3, Q Without U appeard in a lovely 17 page section illustrated by Josh. Now read it.